Guest Post: Andrea

Today we are lucky enough to have Andrea with us Guest Posting from the Ellise Brown Foundation: Bows for Ellie - she is an amazing person who was willing to share with us all her story. Please take a moment to read her post, visit their site, and feel free to leave comments in response on our Facebook page. 

Merry Christmas 2011, The Brown Family is expecting! Wow, we were so excited. Noah was going to be a big brother. Noah went around telling everyone I am going to be a big brother with a big ole smile on his face. Pete and Andrea Brown could not have been more excited to make the family complete with the magical number 4.  Andrea is always so nauseous when pregnant and was ready to hit that second trimester to get over the feeling and to find out if they would be having two boys or one of each.  Right before Easter 2012 they found out they were expecting a little girl. Everything looked well with baby, except Andrea’s cervix was thinning to fast. So the docs put her on bed rest at the end of May and we had ultrasounds every week to check. Ellise “Ellie” Helene Brown made it to the c-section date of August 24^th.  Ellie weighed in at 7 lbs 3 ozs and 19.5 inches long. Big brother was so in love and so were mom and dad.

Things went so smooth with Ellie as a baby. She slept through the night  (big brother did not do that until he was 4, yes 4!), ate like a champ, and was growing like a weed. Christmas 2012 came around and we were so excited! We had a new bike for Noah and a baby cabbage patch doll for Ellie. Pete and Andrea were both teachers so they were also excited to have two weeks off to spend with the kids. Ellie loved Christmas. She was such a good baby and would sit and just smile until someone opened a gift and started crinkling the paper. She would scream at them. We couldn’t believe it! She smiled all the time, but that paper scared her. If they had only known that would be the last video they had of her.

New Years was here and we had lots of family plans. However, Andrea’s brother Brad went sledding and had a “little” accident.  So Brad’s two boys, Evan and Ethan, were spending the day with Pete, Andrea, Noah and Ellie. This would be the last time all the boys were together to play with her. She loved to watch them. That night they Skyped with Pete’s parents who were in Michigan and Pete and Andrea’s first day back to work after Christmas break was spent with Andrea’s dad and the next day with Andrea’s mom. Ellie had her fill and her last “stop” was on January 9, 2013.

Pete and Andrea dropped Ellie off at her babysitters. Andrea’s mom watched Ellie and Noah 3 days a week and they went to a family friend who babysat out of her home 2 days a week. We could not have asked for a better babysitter, she loved our kids as her own.  The kids always went for a walk to see the farm animals. On the way Ellie fell asleep in her car seat. When they got back, Ellie was still sleeping so she left her in the car seat and sat her back in the “nap room”. She checked on her a few times and the last time she checked, Ellie was unresponsive.  Ellie never woke up; she had gone to be with the Lord.  Two days later the sheriff tearfully reported to the Brown’s “we have no idea why your daughter died and so her death will be classified as Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS).”  This is the answer one gets when there are no answers…there would be no closure.

Ellie was Andrea’s “bow diva.” Everywhere Ellie went Andrea had a bow in her hair to match the outfit. We had a drawer dedicated to bows. Andrea loved them and so did Ellie, she never bothered them. Through our grieving, we decided we wanted to start a foundation in her name. Our mission was to educate families on SIDS, raise awareness, provide funding for research on SIDS, and to cover funeral costs of families who lose an infant. To raise money, Andrea wanted to make bows and sell them. Yes bows! In March 2013, they began the Ellise Brown Foundation with funding from Bows for Ellie.  They knew bows would not provide all the funding for all they wanted to do. In the midst of starting the foundation, they found a run/walk that supported SIDS and it was in our neighborhood, Tyler’s Run.  Andrea and Pete were excited and wanted to volunteer. To their disappointment, the family running the event was retiring from the run and asked if they wanted to take it over. WOW! Two months into the grieving process, can we really take on this fundraiser event and make it work?!?!  The Brown Family was on board! We can do it and let Ellie be our motivation.  Instead of crying, lets make bows! Instead of sitting here thinking about what ifs, let’s send sponsor letters! And our sadness and grief was channeled to making the first annual Ellie and Tyler’s 4 Miler a successful event! And successful it was!  We were able to donate to Whitewater Park Kids Program, Cribs for Kids Program in Cincinnati, Cradle Cincinnati, Charlie’s Kids, provide funds for a families loss of an infant, and last but not least Margaret Mary Health.

Margaret Mary Health is where Ellie was born and was also the place she was pronounced dead.  We wanted to focus a great effort at the local community hospital on SIDS and ways to promote safe sleep. We met with the head of the OB department, Debbie Gloyd, and she was up for any change we wanted to make to efforts to promote safe sleep practices.  She said “If we are going to preach it, we are going to do it”. In less than a year, Margaret Mary Health is a blanketless hospital and committed to the use of sleep sacks. Every mother upon discharge is now provided with a swaddle sleepsack to use with a newborn and a size small sleepsack to use as the baby gets older so there are no blankets are in the crib.  Each mother also receives a Charlie’s Kids Sleep Baby Safe and Snug book with safe sleep practices on it, and if a baby girl they receive an Ellie Bow.  And our last step was to provide cribs so parents do not co-sleep with their infant. As such, we stared a Cribs for Kids Program at Margaret Mary Heatlh.   Through the grace of God, baby Ellie is leaving her mark and having a wonderful impact on this world.

The Brown families next step is to convince the local Cincinnati hospitals “walk the walk” and to jump on board with “blanketless” nurseries.

Ellise Brown Foundation: Bows for Ellie can be found on Facebook at

 https://www.facebook.com/pages/Ellise-Brown-Foundation-Bows-for-Ellie/148489651981349

If you would like to guest post with us this month it isn't too late, please send us a message via our Contact Us page.

Read More

Capture Your Grief: Day 7 - Sacred Place

My sacred place would be my home.  We have so many reminders of Gage spread throughout our home.  We have pictures/wall hangings that allow us to remember the short time we had together.  We planted "Gage's tree" shortly after he died and have enjoyed watching it grow and planting flowers nearby, this is one of my favorite spots in our yard. #captureyourgrief #whathealsyourheart


One of my favorite signs my sister had made for me - "Because someone we love is in Heaven, there is a little bit of Heaven in our home"

Day 7: SACRED PLACE. Do you have a special place that you visit to “be” with your children? A place that you feel connected to? Maybe it is their grave, or a beautiful garden, beach or forest. What does this place mean to you? Why that place? If you haven’t got a sacred place that you visit to remember your children, maybe have a think about finding a beautiful place that you can visit to remember them. It is never too late to do this. Having a sacred space for you to visit to just be, is wonderful for your soul. It gives you some time out to just allow yourself to calm your heart and reconnect with the love that you have for your children.
Capture Your Grief is a mindful healing project for anyone who is grieving the death of a baby or child of any age or gestation. If you are not grieving the death of a child but a loved one and would like to raise awareness for the bereaved parents community, we welcome you to take part as well to help us spread the word about our community. For more information visit CarlyMarie Project Heal at  http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/2014/09/capture-your-grief-2014.html

Read More

Capture Your Grief: Day 5 and 6

Day 5: Journal

I began keeping a journal shortly after losing Gage.  Journaling was very therapeutic for me.  My journal was a place I could write anything and everything down.  Gage and the circumstances surrounding his death consumed my entire life and I didn't always feel like I had someone I could talk to.  I am glad that we are able to provide journals in each one of the kits that we donate to families who suffer the loss of a child.

Day 6: Books

I read Heaven Is For Real shortly after Gage died.  Once I started reading I couldn't lay the book down until I had completed it.  The book comforted me and I felt even more hopeful and confident about where my baby was.  I even read the version written for children to my other kids.  I looked for ways to make them understand death at such a young age but found it difficult.  It is hard enough to have to deal with death as adults but I hate that my other kids have suffered such a great loss at such a young age.  I'm glad that they still speak about Gage often but wish I could have helped them understand earlier.  Does anyone know of any good books about death geared toward small children? #captureyourgrief #whathealsyourheart

Capture Your Grief is a mindful healing project for anyone who is grieving the death of a baby or child of any age or gestation. If you are not grieving the death of a child but a loved one and would like to raise awareness for the bereaved parents community, we welcome you to take part as well to help us spread the word about our community. For more information visit CarlyMarie Project Heal at  http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/2014/09/capture-your-grief-2014.html

Read More

Capture Your Grief: Day 4 - Now

Today I am a different person than I was prior to the death of my child. How could I not be? I take each day as it comes.  I hate the fact that we had to bury our baby but know that it was part of God's plan for us.  One of my biggest struggles immediately after we lost Gage was not knowing why.  It was hard for me to come to terms with the fact that my "perfectly healthy" baby was found lifeless.  That is what I hate about SIDS....there is no answer....nothing to make me understand and have a little closure.  I do believe I carried Gage for 9 months and experienced 3 days here on earth with him before he returned home for a purpose.  I look forward to the day that I will see him again and my questions will be answered. 

I still struggle even two and a half years later.  I have good days and bad.  I try to keep busy with life.  I feel as though happiness is forced....it's hard to not feel guilty for being happy even though it sounds crazy.  I still cry but have gotten better at hiding it.  I feel like I always need to be in control and try to find new hobbies/goals to accomplish this.  My priorities are different.  A huge part of my life now is to keep Gage's memory alive and to help others who suffer similar losses.  #captureyourgrief #whathealsyourheart

Capture Your Grief is a mindful healing project for anyone who is grieving the death of a baby or child of any age or gestation. If you are not grieving the death of a child but a loved one and would like to raise awareness for the bereaved parents community, we welcome you to take part as well to help us spread the word about our community. For more information visit CarlyMarie Project Heal at  http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/2014/09/capture-your-grief-2014.html

Read More

Capture Your Grief: Day 3 - Before

I suffered two early miscarriages prior to Gage's death.  I was extremely sad after each loss but can't compare those feelings with the emotions I felt and still feel everyday after losing Gage.  I feel like a part of me died the day I woke to find my 3 day old son lifeless. 

Before Gage I had my whole life planned out.  I always wanted to be married at a young age, finish college, and have multiple children. I was married at 18 and graduated from Nursing School 8 months pregnant with my first child.  I was happy and full of life. I truly thought that my life would play out exactly as I had planned.  I enjoyed my career as a nurse. I enjoyed my growing family. I looked forward to things.....time with family/friends, vacations, hobbies. I never thought I would lose a child, especially to SIDS.

I became a different person the day Gage died. There are parts of that person I wish I could get back.  I would never go back to that life.  Although Gage only lived 3 short days he made an impact that will last in our lives forever.  I can't imagine my life without him. #captureyourgrief #whathealsyourheart

Capture Your Grief is a mindful healing project for anyone who is grieving the death of a baby or child of any age or gestation. If you are not grieving the death of a child but a loved one and would like to raise awareness for the bereaved parents community, we welcome you to take part as well to help us spread the word about our community. For more information visit CarlyMarie Project Heal at  http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/2014/09/capture-your-grief-2014.html

Read More

Guest Post: Guy

Today we are lucky enough to have Guy with us Guest Posting from The Baby Butterfly Foundation - he is an amazing person who was willing to share with us all his story. Please take a moment to read his post, visit their site,  and feel free to leave comments in response on our Facebook page. 

Breathe In…Breathe Out…

Breathe in.  Breathe out.

As my world was collapsing all around me, I almost forgot how to do that.  As my baby girl was receiving her angel wings two rooms away in the ER, breathing became so difficult and foreign.  I couldn't find the air.

Breathe in.  Breathe out.

Two years and six months seems an eternity ago.  It's strange, but this loss is such a contradiction in time.  To think of all the kisses and hugs...the smells...the laughter and the crying...they are almost a distant memory that I struggle to hold on to.  Yet, thinking of the call...the tears...the agony...the shattering of my heart into a million million pieces...that happened just yesterday, didn't it?

Breathe in.  Breathe out.

How have we made it this far?  How did we start The Baby Butterfly Foundation for SIDS Outreach in Mia's honor?  How is it that I can share our story with so many families in the loss community?  How do I find the strength and remember to breathe?  In Him.

"He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others.  When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.  For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with His comfort through Christ.  Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation.  For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you.  Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer.  We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives."
- 2 Corinthians  1:4-7

When I was asked to write a piece for God's Angels Gone Early, I didn't think twice or hesitate.  Of course I accepted the offer.  That's one of the ways I share my suffering...so that I may find some comfort.  And that I, in turn, may comfort someone else in their suffering. 

I'm not going to recount the story of the day Mia died.  If you'd like to read about it, please, by all means.  You can find it on my blog, holyghostbumps.com.  And I pray that it strengthens you.  What I am going to do, however, is try to give you hope.  If you're new to the child loss fraternity/sorority, hang on.  It doesn't necessarily get easier.  It just gets more bearable.  You remember to breathe in and breathe out...to put one foot in front of the other to string along a walk.  I haven't found the ability to run in happiness and peace again just yet.  But I'm confident that one day I will.  My faith in Christ assures me of that.

If you've been on this grief-journey for awhile, you probably have more tricks of the trade to get you by.  And what could I, a relative newcomer, have to offer?  How about a kind word and a prayer?  If your faith has been shaken by your loss, as my wife's was, I would encourage you to hang on as well.  Our Spring is coming. 

I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that He knows where you are when you find yourself in the dark.  As I’ve told my wife so many times during those first months, call on His name.  When you can say nothing else, call on the name of Jesus.  It took a couple years, but she's not mad at Him anymore.  She has found her faith again.  Make no mistake, everything's not honky-dory.  But He's working on it.

The bottom line is this...it's hard.  It's an extremely difficult thing to bear losing your baby.  But you're not alone.  Never alone.  You have others who are experiencing the same thing.  You have family and friends (though they often say the wrong things, bless their hearts).  And you ALWAYS have Christ.

I realize that you may not believe in Him anymore, or you may never have experienced what it's like to have a personal and intimate relationship with Christ.  But I make no apologies for my faith.  It's what has carried me through all the darkness and pain.  It's what enables me to lead my wife and children.  It's what allows me to relive that fateful day each and every time I reach out to another family that loses a child to SIDS.  It's what will enable me to see Mia again.  And what a glorious day that will be!

Until then, I'll keep breathing in.  And breathing out.

The Baby Butterfly Foundation Website:

http://www.bbfsids.org

The Baby Butterfly Foundation on Facebook:

 https://www.facebook.com/TheBabyButterflyFoundation

If you would like to guest post with us this month it isn't too late, please send us a message via our Contact Us page.

Read More

Happy Mother's Day

I find that holidays aren't as enjoyable after suffering such great loss. I know that it's even harder to enjoy days like today if you lost your only child/children. I saw this picture on a friend's page and I think it is perfect.....

Read More