Capture Your Grief - Day 18: Gratitude

Today I am most grateful for my kids. I am grateful that they are here to keep me going. It has been hard to watch what they have gone through at such young ages but I'm also grateful to see how resilient they are. They are the reason I got out of bed each morning after Gage died. I am grateful for everything they teach me. I learn from them each and every day. I'm most grateful for their innocence and how willing they are to show me how much they love me......I never get tired of their hugs and kisses! #captureyourgrief #whathealsyourheart

Capture Your Grief is a mindful healing project for anyone who is grieving the death of a baby or child of any age or gestation. If you are not grieving the death of a child but a loved one and would like to raise awareness for the bereaved parents community, we welcome you to take part as well to help us spread the word about our community. For more information visit CarlyMarie Project Heal at  http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/2014/09/capture-your-grief-2014.html

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Capture Your Grief - Day 15: Community

I read a post today about pregnancy and infant loss Remembrance Day and how it's a day most don't know about until they experience a loss themselves. This is true in my case. I'm glad for all of the people I have met and crossed paths with along this journey. I have received so much support from strangers. I hope that I have also provided support to others along the way. Tonight we lit candles for Gage and all the other angels who returned home too soon. #captureyourgrief #whathealsyourheart

Capture Your Grief is a mindful healing project for anyone who is grieving the death of a baby or child of any age or gestation. If you are not grieving the death of a child but a loved one and would like to raise awareness for the bereaved parents community, we welcome you to take part as well to help us spread the word about our community. For more information visit CarlyMarie Project Heal at  http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/2014/09/capture-your-grief-2014.html

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Capture Your Grief: Days 12-14

Day 12: Music
There are several pieces of music that I listen to that remind me of Gage. "Homesick" by MercyMe was played at his funeral and the words accurately describe how I feel.  I recently heard the song "Dancing In The Sky" and it has become one of my new favorites.

Day 13: Season
I associate winter with Gage.  All of my memories happened in February 2012.  He was born and died all in the same week.

Day 14: Dark/Light
Looking back I can say there have been both dark and light moments since Gage's passing.  There is so much tragedy/trauma that we experienced during this time.  I will never forget watching as the paramedics worked on my 3 day old son or seeing my older children hide behind the couch as Gage was rushed out of the house and to the hospital.  I will never forget watching as my baby was buried into the ground.  I will never forget the weeks and months that followed his death and the struggle we had as we tried to get back to our normal lives.  I will never forget the hundreds of questions that I am asked by three brothers who don't understand why their baby had to die.  I never experienced death or suffering as a child.  One of the hardest things is knowing what my three older children have experienced at such a young age and trying to help them deal with it as best as I know how.

Our son Lane is the light that has come into our lives since we lost Gage.  It was difficult not to worry throughout his entire pregnancy and especially when we first brought him home.  He has brought so much joy and happiness into our family.  I love to watch my boys interact and be so protective over him.  I feel like he has shown us how to truly smile again.  He has not and won't ever replace Gage but I also know that he wouldn't be with us if we hadn't lost Gage.  I am glad that we chose not to live the rest of our lives in fear and had faith that we wouldn't experience the same tragedy all over again. There will always be some darkness but I can honestly say there is a light of hope.  I now try to live my life remembering Gage and longing for the day that I will see him again. #captureyourgrief #whathealsyourheart

Capture Your Grief is a mindful healing project for anyone who is grieving the death of a baby or child of any age or gestation. If you are not grieving the death of a child but a loved one and would like to raise awareness for the bereaved parents community, we welcome you to take part as well to help us spread the word about our community. For more information visit CarlyMarie Project Heal at  http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/2014/09/capture-your-grief-2014.html

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Join the Wave of Light..

Join the Wave of Light tomorrow! Don't forget tomorrow is October 15th - Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. We invite everyone, wherever you live, to join us in lighting a candle at 7 PM to help remember all of our Angels. Help us by sharing this image:

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Capture Your Grief Day 10 - Support

I have always felt support during my grief journey.  I immediately blamed myself after Gage's death. He was sleeping with me and I was the one who found him but was unable to save him. I hate reliving that Saturday morning. My husband was and continues to be my greatest support.  Our relationship has been strained but definitely strengthened throughout this journey. I can understand how so many relationships are broken after such a loss, a loss no one should have to endure.  My husband has supported my want/need to start GAGE and share our story even though it may not have been important to his grief journey. I wouldn't be where I am today without him.

We have always been lucky to have great support from family and friends. We have changed since losing our son but have always felt accepted. The comments that are sometimes hurtful are usually said from people trying to provide comfort but  don't know the words to say.  I have been told on multiple occasions that it is probably easier to deal with the loss of our newborn in comparison to an older child because I didn't get to see much of Gage's personality or make many memories with him. I'm to a point that I can hear comments like this and not scream at the person but in my mind I'm thinking that those moments were robbed from me. I won't get to hear his laugh, his first word, see his first steps and every other milestone/memory that we could have made if he were here longer.  I often feel sorry for that person who makes those comments because I don't think many people understand what this journey is like until you are living it yourself. #captureyourgrief #whathealsyourheart


Day 10: SUPPORT. Have you felt supported in your grief journey? If so, where did that support come from. Was it from who you expected? Were you surprised by the support or lack of support you received. How would you suggest people could support those grieving, better? If you feel disappointed that your loved ones are not supporting you in the way you need, have a think about why that is. Sometimes when we stop to think about ‘why’ instead of just focusing on the negative emotions of disappointment that we feel, we discover reasons why those people cannot or could not support us. It could be that our story brings up painful memories for them. They could actually just be really insensitive or maybe there is more to it and they just had no idea how to help you and the fear of upsetting you even more was too great. Have you communicated your needs to that person? So many people, when asked that question say, no. Sometimes it is because they didn’t know what they needed at the time or it is because we subconsciously believe that our friends and family should know exactly what to do, when really, they cannot read our minds. Share thoughts about support and maybe send out some love to the rest of your community members as well.
Capture Your Grief is a mindful healing project for anyone who is grieving the death of a baby or child of any age or gestation. If you are not grieving the death of a child but a loved one and would like to raise awareness for the bereaved parents community, we welcome you to take part as well to help us spread the word about our community. For more information visit CarlyMarie Project Heal at  http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/2014/09/capture-your-grief-2014.html

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Capture Your Grief Day 9 - In Memory

We created our non-profit organization God's Angels Gone Early in memory of our son Gage.  I have felt great comfort in making kits and donating them to local facilities in Gage's memory.  The kits we donate contain a homemade blanket, outfit, homemade hat/headband, journal, "remember" magnet and a packet of Forget-Me-Not seeds.  All of these items brought me comfort shortly after we lost Gage.  I am grateful to all of the people who donate items, money and their time to help make this organization a reality.

I have been given a few pieces of jewelry that help me remember Gage.  I am so grateful for these gifts.  I was given a matching necklace and bracelet from my aunt that was made from rose petals from Gage's funeral flowers.  My husband also had a necklace made for me which helps me to remember Gage. #captureyourgrief #whathealsyourheart

Day 9: IN MEMORY. There is such a deep-rooted yearning that we feel when our beloved children die. This yearning hurts but it also inspires us to get creative to do something in memory of our children. Have you done anything in memory of your child? Maybe it is something your created for them. A tattoo or a piece of jewelry. Did you create a garden? Maybe you created an organization or a charity benefit. Maybe you took up a new practice. A new hobby. Writing, painting, dancing, reading. Share away.

Capture Your Grief is a mindful healing project for anyone who is grieving the death of a baby or child of any age or gestation. If you are not grieving the death of a child but a loved one and would like to raise awareness for the bereaved parents community, we welcome you to take part as well to help us spread the word about our community. For more information visit CarlyMarie Project Heal at  http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/2014/09/capture-your-grief-2014.html

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Capture Your Grief Day 8 - Resource

We began receiving resources immediately....while we were sitting in the hospital with Gage.  The Glendale Fire Department was in the hospital at the same time for another family who lost a son to SIDS the same morning and provided my mother with a lot of resources to be given to us at a later time.  Shortly after we received a gift from a local organization Sewing For Babies.  The package we received contained various items that helped me and still help me remember Gage.  We have a great circle of family and friends who have always been there to support us on this journey.  I am grateful to the people who are always willing to listen even though they may not fully understand.  I am grateful to the people who speak to me about Gage and still include him as one of my children.  A part of my healing process is to share my story with others and speak openly about my son and I am always grateful to those who help me in that process. #captureyourgrief #whathealsyourheart

Gift from Sewing For Babies

Day 8: RESOURCE. When we become bereaved, in the beginning, many of us look outwards for help. We set out in the night with a blanket and a lantern in search of others like us. Along the road we usually find someone or something and it is with that discovery that we can walk this road with understanding company we watch the sun begin to rise over our worlds again. Share some resources that have aided you in your healing journey. It may be a website, charity, organization, a person/teacher/therapist/new friend etc. Whatever it is, share what is so wonderful about that resource and how it has helped you. Please feel welcome to share links so that others can benefit.
Capture Your Grief is a mindful healing project for anyone who is grieving the death of a baby or child of any age or gestation. If you are not grieving the death of a child but a loved one and would like to raise awareness for the bereaved parents community, we welcome you to take part as well to help us spread the word about our community. For more information visit CarlyMarie Project Heal at  http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/2014/09/capture-your-grief-2014.html

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