Thursday, October 15, 2015

Capture Your Grief Days 8,9,11 & 13

Day 8 – WISH LIST What are your wishes for this grief journey? What do you need from others? It might be that you want your child to always be remembered. You may wish to educate others on grief and healing. Maybe your wish is to turn this tragedy into something beautiful. Spend some time thinking about what it is that you hope to be able to do, learn or gain from this experience.

My wish has always been to remember Gage and give his life purpose.  I have always wanted to turn our tragedy into something positive and that is why we started GAGE.  I need others to remember him and to not act like he didn't exist. I always include him whenever asked how many children I have.....he was and will always be my child.

Day 9 – FAMILY – What does your family look like today? Who is your family to you? What do they mean to you? 

My family today includes my husband and Gage's five brothers (two of which were born after his death). My family is the reason I continue to live. They understand this process because they too live it on a daily basis. They are my biggest support. My extended family and friends have and continue to provide me with love and support along this journey.

Day 11 – GLOW IN THE WOODS Today I want to honour the beautiful writers at Glow In The Woods, past and present. This was the first place I found on the internet where I could read about other parents experiences with grief. They were literally my light in the darkness. When we become bereaved, in the beginning, many of us look outwards for help. We set out in the darkness of night with a blanket and a lantern in search of others like us. Along the road we usually find someone or something and it is with that discovery that we can walk this road with understanding company and with that, we watch the sun begin to rise over our worlds again. Who was your glow in the woods? Share some resources that have aided you in your healing journey. It may be a website, charity, organization, a person/teacher/therapist/new friend etc. Whatever it is, share what is so wonderful about that resource and how it has helped you. Please feel welcome to share links so that others can benefit.

I immediately joined an online SIDS support group after Gage's death. It really helped me in the beginning to know that I was not alone and that so many others really understood the pain that I was experiencing. It was a safe place to go and get questions answered from people who had experienced this type of grief first hand. I reached a point in my own journey that I had to step back from the group. It was consuming too much of my time and was no longer a healthy part of my personal journey. 

I received a kit with various items from a local organization (Sewing For Babies) after Gage died. The items did and still continue to provide me comfort. This was one of the reasons I wanted to make kits of my own. Here is the link to their Facebook page

Day 13 – REGRETS + TRIGGERS What are some regrets that you have about your experience with grief so far? Do you believe there is a way to heal that regret? Do you have any grief triggers? Maybe it is the pregnant woman in the store or a scent that reminds you of that time in your life. Perhaps it is a sound, song, season etc. Share what pulls on your heart strings.

The trigger that I have has been watching the milestones of my other children. When my now 3 month old flashed me his first real smile I was in awe of the moment but quickly realized that I never got to experience that same moment with Gage.  These moments often bring tears to my eyes. While I'm happy and excited to be sharing these moments with each of my children it's hard to ignore the fact that I will never have the same experience with Gage.


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