Friday, October 10, 2014

Capture Your Grief Day 10 - Support

I have always felt support during my grief journey.  I immediately blamed myself after Gage's death. He was sleeping with me and I was the one who found him but was unable to save him. I hate reliving that Saturday morning. My husband was and continues to be my greatest support.  Our relationship has been strained but definitely strengthened throughout this journey. I can understand how so many relationships are broken after such a loss, a loss no one should have to endure.  My husband has supported my want/need to start GAGE and share our story even though it may not have been important to his grief journey. I wouldn't be where I am today without him.

We have always been lucky to have great support from family and friends. We have changed since losing our son but have always felt accepted. The comments that are sometimes hurtful are usually said from people trying to provide comfort but  don't know the words to say.  I have been told on multiple occasions that it is probably easier to deal with the loss of our newborn in comparison to an older child because I didn't get to see much of Gage's personality or make many memories with him. I'm to a point that I can hear comments like this and not scream at the person but in my mind I'm thinking that those moments were robbed from me. I won't get to hear his laugh, his first word, see his first steps and every other milestone/memory that we could have made if he were here longer.  I often feel sorry for that person who makes those comments because I don't think many people understand what this journey is like until you are living it yourself. #captureyourgrief #whathealsyourheart

Day 10: SUPPORT. Have you felt supported in your grief journey? If so, where did that support come from. Was it from who you expected? Were you surprised by the support or lack of support you received. How would you suggest people could support those grieving, better? If you feel disappointed that your loved ones are not supporting you in the way you need, have a think about why that is. Sometimes when we stop to think about ‘why’ instead of just focusing on the negative emotions of disappointment that we feel, we discover reasons why those people cannot or could not support us. It could be that our story brings up painful memories for them. They could actually just be really insensitive or maybe there is more to it and they just had no idea how to help you and the fear of upsetting you even more was too great. Have you communicated your needs to that person? So many people, when asked that question say, no. Sometimes it is because they didn’t know what they needed at the time or it is because we subconsciously believe that our friends and family should know exactly what to do, when really, they cannot read our minds. Share thoughts about support and maybe send out some love to the rest of your community members as well.
Capture Your Grief is a mindful healing project for anyone who is grieving the death of a baby or child of any age or gestation. If you are not grieving the death of a child but a loved one and would like to raise awareness for the bereaved parents community, we welcome you to take part as well to help us spread the word about our community. For more information visit CarlyMarie Project Heal at


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