Capture Your Grief: Day 4 - Now

Today I am a different person than I was prior to the death of my child. How could I not be? I take each day as it comes.  I hate the fact that we had to bury our baby but know that it was part of God's plan for us.  One of my biggest struggles immediately after we lost Gage was not knowing why.  It was hard for me to come to terms with the fact that my "perfectly healthy" baby was found lifeless.  That is what I hate about SIDS....there is no answer....nothing to make me understand and have a little closure.  I do believe I carried Gage for 9 months and experienced 3 days here on earth with him before he returned home for a purpose.  I look forward to the day that I will see him again and my questions will be answered. 

I still struggle even two and a half years later.  I have good days and bad.  I try to keep busy with life.  I feel as though happiness is forced....it's hard to not feel guilty for being happy even though it sounds crazy.  I still cry but have gotten better at hiding it.  I feel like I always need to be in control and try to find new hobbies/goals to accomplish this.  My priorities are different.  A huge part of my life now is to keep Gage's memory alive and to help others who suffer similar losses.  #captureyourgrief #whathealsyourheart

Capture Your Grief is a mindful healing project for anyone who is grieving the death of a baby or child of any age or gestation. If you are not grieving the death of a child but a loved one and would like to raise awareness for the bereaved parents community, we welcome you to take part as well to help us spread the word about our community. For more information visit CarlyMarie Project Heal at  http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/2014/09/capture-your-grief-2014.html